ClearBlueAndy

Baby you can drive my car......

 

 

 

I drive a lot. I have to.

 

When you've got clients in Cornwall and Gleneagles sometimes the only local transport available may be the Wells Fargo stagecoach so a car (or in my case a pick up truck) is essential.

 

Why a pick up truck? Bascially because it reaches the places other vehicles can't reach and, as a self employed person if I don't turn up, I don't get paid.

 

When the spectre of a driving ban (I won't go into the details other than to say I was innocent guv!!) reared its ugly head last year my first reaction (as a person who speaks for a living) was to go to court, tell them the facts as an innocent party and save myself the cost of a solicitor.

 

Thank god I didn't and hired a professional in the field of Traffic Law; Robert Bimpson. Robert who runs leading UK firm Traffic Lawyer 4 U defended me in court this week and I was aquitted of the charge.  I don't think this would have happened if I'd not hired an expert in traffic law.

 

The Prosecution had ME convinced I'd done it when we attended court so Robert's calming influence and defence was well worth it. 

He was excellent and as an advocate of customer service I was delighted with his work and his effort on my behalf. He even agreed a fixed fee for all court appearances and the work which meant I wasn't worrying about ringing him and being charged £50 each time!!!

 

Excellent customer service comes in many forms. Perfect customer service is rare. Robert's a rare breed indeed.  

 

 

 

 

 

No room in at the inn?

 

I like late rooms.com when I'm booking hotels across the UK. There's always a deal to be had and on the whole the ratings are pretty spot on.

 

Last week though, after booking a hotel for one night in Scarborough for a job working with the excellent Yorkshire Coast Homes, I was surprised to be booted out of it before I even arrived.

 

I mean it usually takes people a few hours to get to dislike me and I hadn't even stolen their bath products, used too many towels or chased the house keeper round the patio after a bottle of scotch and a misunderstood look.

 

No, I was dropped because the academic who usually has the room I wanted came back.  Said academic had been concerned to hear he couldn't have his regualar room and so my booking was cancelled via a phone call by the owner.

 

"Give me the chance to make you fall in love with me," I argued, but it didn't help. They'll never know how nice I can be.....

 

" I have qualifications too, " I pleaded, "how do you know this Professor Perfect is a genuine professor?"...It all fell on deaf ears and that's after I faxed my MBA (distinction) certificate over.

 

"Get off the phone," they said. Charming.  

 

The whole thing conflicts me..on the one hand they'll never get my business again but on the other hand they're showing true customer loyalty to Professor Perfect. I hate that guy though...sitting, as he is, in MY room, drinking MY scotch and chasing MY housekeeper around the patio...

and so I moved on...

The upshot is that I used Late Rooms to book the brilliant 17 West Street in Scarborough and their genial host Andy. Andy seemed quite happy to give me the benefit of the doubt..but I couldn't find the Scotch and he seemed to do the tidying up. 

 

thank heavens for second chances in life eh? 

What it means to be English.......

 

I’ve been English for 40 years and recently have been giving some thought to what that actually means to me and those around me. Here are my observations (as usual, other views are available) and feel free to add your own:

 

1. We spend most of our money in supermarkets yet still bemoan the loss of the high street shop (although we would never go there as we think they’re pricey)
2. Most of us have never actually touched a cow
3. We love a good story in the media about a dog, a cat or some item shaped in a strange way and our favourite TV ads usually involve an animal
4. When it snows we moan and when it’s hot we moan so ergo we’re happiest in lukewarm drizzle
5. The organised Karaoke of X Factor is the biggest programme on TV and draws in 11.5million viewers whereas a third of that number watch the news
6. Despite attempting to speak their language on holiday while we’re there the French still believe they are at war with us (and us them)
7. We invented man boobs or “moobs”
8. Our Royal Family, the Beatles, the Stones, David Beckham, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell are our only true global exports today along with “ moobs “ (Morgan and Cowell check both boxes on that one)
9. We have socialist banks (state owned) and capitalist politicians (when did that happen?)
10. We think a good apology is a path to redemption (see 9)  but you can’t apologise more than once and get your job back
11. We always believe in the run up to any of the big sporting competitions that England will win making us either deluded or optimistic and always ultimately resigned to our inevitable loss
12. No one in England is really sure whether people are asleep or awake in Tokyo and Los Angeles at any given point of the day as all time starts here
13. We buy lottery tickets and play bingo and like the sporting example above truly believe we will win until we don’t
14. We pretend to be descended from the Irish for at least one day a year
15. We would never pretend to be Scottish
16. There aren’t any more Shakespeares coming through the literary scene and JK Rowling (who most of us think is Scottish) is our most successful writer of the last 100 years
17. We are secretly pleased that despite being obese we are not as fat as the Americans

 

da na na na na na da na na na na ....relationships..

I want to try a little experiment with you.

It's my firm belief, having worked with dozens of companies and met thousands of people over the years , that all relationships can be classified into the "Batman-Robin" box.

Think about your wife, your husband, partner, boss, lover (the list is endless) and answer the following question to understand where the power lies within that relationship.

IF WE WERE GOING TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY AS BATMAN AND ROBIN WHO WOULD BE BATMAN AND WHO WOULD BE ROBIN????

Try it. It works and helps me define how I feel about people. For example, I've only ever had one boss I would dress as Robin for and my wife is Batman. My father isn't. Get the idea?

My advice for what it's worth is that if you do have a boss that's not your Batman then you need to flee the Batcave and find someone who can teach, lead and inspire you or, better still, become a teacher, leader, inspirational figure yourself.

No point wearing tights if someone else is pulling the strings right? Holey Moley, there may be an idea in that somewhere. Kapow!!!!!!!

How to be an effective manager? It's in the blend..........

 

 

 

 READ my FREE brand new paper "The Effective Manager"

Management? in the blend or turn on and turn off as needed?

Did you know that in a study of 160 British middle and top managers it was found they worked for a period of half an hour or more without distraction only once every two days? How are we supposed to be effective as managers with this background noise?

These, among other things, are discussed in my brand new paper on management and leadership which you can access for FREE here

I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback on my thoughts so, when you're able to free yourself from the distractions then drop me a line.......

Andy

How to get sacked by using your Facebook status

 

 

 

The news that the latest in a long line of people, this time a bank worker (shed no tears) has been sacked for critiquing her Boss on Facebook got me thinking about what other status updates would get you the boot from your job reasonably quickly.

Here are some of my suggestions but feel free to add your own.  

 

ENTER NAME HERE….

 

Is at work….sooooo bored!!! Playing online Poker to make some real money.

Is hosting a pencil and stationary sale at my house tonight, big bargains to be had; can also get photocopier…. in box me.  

Says does anyone want to buy a networked laptop (will need to wipe operating system and remove stickers) ?

Is pretending to work while Boss walks by.

Is onto level 149 of Angry Birds after only three hours

Has drooled on my keyboard while nodding off

Can only steal so much of the free Executive buffet in one bag, needs more…

Has been asleep in the disabled toilet using a towel as a pillow

Has been to the pictures, lousy movie but better than work

Started lunch at 1030 and just came back, it’s 230

Thinks Hitler wasn’t completely wrong you know?*

 *(unless you’re a worker for the Far Right New Dawn Brotherhood)

Thinks you know what? Immigrants are ok. They add a lot to our society*

*(if you work for the Far Right New Dawn Brotherhood)

When a client gives too much!!!!!!!

I play a game with delegates where we pick a topic and have to disagree and agree for a minute.

One minute disagreeing; rewind; one minute agreeing with the same story.

Simple game and a simple learning outcome is that it’s hard to have a row with someone who agrees with you.

The endorphins in your brain that tell you “this is my type of person I love em” won’t let you.

You hardly ever get through the disagreement part as you spend a lot of time defending your position. When it comes to the agreement part the story unfolds a bit more as I found to my cost today.

Delegate to me (today): “I watched the TV last night”

Me: “Bad idea, I don’t agree”

Delegate to me: “But I like TV etc. etc. etc.” and around the houses we went.

PAUSE… REWIND

Delegate to me “I watched the TV last night”

Me: “great idea, I agree”

Delegate to me: “Yes, then I walked the dog”

Me: ““great idea, I agree”

Delegate to me: “Then I had a drink of wine.”

Me: “great idea, I agree”

Delegate: “Then my husband and I had some great sex.”

Me (realising we've still got 30 seconds and standing up) : “That’ll be time to end the exercise then.”

The smoking gun of why the Government doesn ’t want you to quit cigarettes

The UK Government doesn’t want anyone to stop smoking…why would it?

Of the 80,000 UK people who die from smoking related illness each year the tragedy of this is offset over cigars in the Members’ Only clubs of Whitehall that every death is set against the annual boost in tax revenue that smoking gives our GDP through its 10.5 billion contribution.

They mourn the loss of a good customer of course but, like buses, recognise there’ll be one along in a minute. People like to smoke. Why fight it? In 200 years' time we'll all realise it's daft but by then they'll be doing something equally as crazy.

The point is that the UK government don’t want anyone to stop smoking but they are keen that people don’t die from it so they can continue to flood the coffers. This is why they set their tax funded pressure groups like ASH on us like attack dogs and use guerrilla tactics to grab our attention by hijacking things which are unrelated.

Yesterday two bits of news did the merry go round. The first was that cigarette packaging was due to vanish and drive sales under the counter and the second (lesser) issue was that it coincided with No Smoking Day (held? Yes you’ve guessed it on the Christian festival of Ash Wednesday).

The fact that Ash Wednesday has absolutely nothing to do with tobacco or smoking didn’t deter the PR gurus at the pressure groups paid to tell us what to do. I’m surprised they didn’t launch an obesity campaign on Pancake Tuesday the day before and outlaw Lurpak as a dangerous drug.

It wasn’t No Smoking Day in Newcastle on Wednesday. As I walked through the streets everyone seemed to be sucking one back and who can blame them? It’s £6.51 for a packet of 20 Woodbines in the Grainger Market and enough to make you want to start when you think about losing your job, your home, your pension, you name it.

As Paul Merton once said: “I’ve tried to start smoking I just haven’t got the willpower to start. I reckon I’m not smoking 200 a day.”

I don’t smoke but I’m considering it to help the country. Join me, let’s sort out the deficit by smoking ourselves silly. Just don’t die, it’s not good business.

The Madness of Car Insurance Renewal

Most marriages don't last as long as I've been with my car insurance people. I feel intensely proud that during our nine years of no claims together they've loved me without question or judgement and never stolen the duvet or tried to change me.

They respected my privacy so much that I only heard from them once a year when they would politely inquire whether I'd be good enough to renew with them for another year..."Of course darling, " I coo-ed.."you love me and I love you..that's the way it should be and always will be.”

We drove down the road together Lloyds TSB and I..well we did..until this week they refused to renew my cover. I was told a panel of people had turned me down.

My sense of let down was massive...and this was in the week Andy Carroll moved down a road of his own in a better car than mine.

What had I done to warrant this rejection I agonised? Had I hurt them? Had I claimed against them (no)? Had I been identity thefted by a Nigerian prince who insured his Masserati and then crashed it? Had I held hands over a table with another provider who whispered sweet nothings in my ear and they sent a private detective to nail me?

No. None of this had happened. But my heart, was broken, with only a few days before Valentine’s Day.

So I rang, and rang, and held, and rang and asked what I’d done to them to make them reject me.

In the end I’d done nothing except incur the wrath of a policy decision when the company who now owns Lloyds TSB Insurance (called BISL run by Peter Thompson) decided (on a whim ) to stop insuring 4X4s.

And with a sweep of a pen my relationship with them..was over.

Broken hearted I wrote to them to claim my non claims back (it was a bit like clearing the DVDs out from a house when your partner kicks you out).

I wrote to them at Fusion House, Peterborough, and they sent me a letter with the details on it which I promptly returned to my new insurance company YES insurance.co.uk at their office in Fusion House, Peterborough.

Oh yes, given the notepaper it appears it’s the same company as BISL are a bit like the Star Wars Evil Empire of Insurance and Peter Thompson is Darth Vadar.

Distraught, upset, hurt but left to get on with it.....

In the words of the song.....”I’ll never fall in love again.”

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Talk like an Egyptian?

The phone broke. Actually, the phone was broken (or at least locked using a number she's promptly forgotten) by an 11 year old who claims to be my daughter. I was peeved to say the least after entering every 4 digit code we could but were unable to unlock the pesky thing.

So ring Vodafone I did and was given a PUK code. Which didn't work. So I rang back and they called me back and gave me a restart sequence which I did. Which didn't work. So I rang back and they called me back and told me I needed an over-ride code from their tech department.

"fine, " I said, "let's have the number then. "

"Oh, " said James, the very helpful young man who, sounding a bit like Bob Geldof explaining world affairs, told me: "our tech department is in Cairo and we don't like to bother them with all that's going on."

Understanding of him ? yes. Completely pointless ringing them? yes. Did I get to talk to an Egyptian? No. Do I understand why not? yes. Can I use the phone? No.

Outsourcing is one thing but this is ridiculous. I wouldn't care but my bank's call centre is in Tunisia.